In my childhood if I did not greet an elder thus I would have the back of my head tapped by my mother like the Big Ben on the half hour. But that rarely happened. Addressing elders “Aunty” and “Uncle” came to my generation naturally.

There was something nice about wishing someone “ Hello Aunty!” or “ Hello Uncle.” It spoke of a discipline in an age when listening to ones elders was the norm. Either that, or you were going to get it!

I have seen my peers even as much as being caned by their parents in India of the early fifties and very rarely did one hear those abused children grow up in life to overly criticize their parents for having done so. They simply did likewise to their children and the cycle went on. 

Then one day the law stepped in and the word “ abuse” became more pronounced. It was a good thing, for it sought to preclude the possibility of excessive disciplining. By and large, this benign approach works.

But in subsequent decades, we were confronted with what laxity could do at the other end of the spectrum: We now have parents most of who were in turn disciplined by their parents when they were young but now sometimes endure reverse abuse in a literal sense.

In my considered opinion, the impetus to revolt has been facilitated by one single agent of destruction and as much as I might sound like a wet blanket, I think T.V. has done more harm than disseminate knowledge and information. What has happened is to be expected: Kids don’t have time to learn the niceties of interacting with others because they are caught up watching T.V. They have little time for anything else.

T.V. is truly a scheming “idiot box.” It gets a youngster hooked on to it and then like a drug dealer hisses: ‘ Psst, psst… wanna watch some reality T.V.?”

Sometimes, T.V. makes us delusional: We think God is related to Donald Trump and not even vice versa. And then when we approach the climax of a popular program we are given to understand that Simon Cowell is actually a nice person.

In the fifties we made our own entertainment. I rarely handled a coin when I was young. I simply had no pocket money so to speak. Every day I played with abandon for free until one day when I was tipped two annas for buying Mr.Irwin two kites and some “ manjaa”( sharp thread). With that princely sum in my pocket I felt like the son of an oil sheik at the school Fete. Those were the days when we played marbles and ran around the building till we were motionless but panting with our hands on our knees.  

Once in a rare while, my mother took me for a movie to Fort area of Bombay and that gave me a chance to wear a pair of loose, chocolate brown, cotton shorts that nearly touched my knees. The knee length was one way of ensuring that the shorts would last me for at least three years and the color precluded the possibility of dirt showing off.

T.V. came to Bombay when I was 25 years of age. A decade and a half before that, at seven o’clock each day after school I would hear my mother summon me home. Her voice would resonate in the building to inform me it was time for me to have a bath and thereafter study for an hour. Then followed a second call, and then, a final one. If I missed that too, I was in for a demonstration of how overgrown, delinquent rabbits are briefly handled.

Today, there is little time for play. When you are a student in school in metropolitan India you had better study six hours per day from the fifth grade onwards. Either that, or you will languish among “muffs.” You study like your life depended on it and after your Doctorate in Information Technology or Applied Physics you can attend to a short course in “ Finishing School” to teach you manners and etiquette while attending to outsourced work.

Compare their situation with the children of immigrants in Surrey are exposed to an overdose of the cartoon channel. They watch T.V. so intently that they are very often oblivious of the presence of a visiting elder.  Rarely is there a “ Hello Uncleji!” or “ Hello Auntji!” Actually, most of them grow up not knowing how to wish people. But talk about text messaging their peers when they grow older and they will teach you a thing or two.

But coming to think of it, they are communicating with each other after all. 

 If I could help it I would stay alive indefinitely: It is costly to die in Canada.

I am referring to the cost of a shoestring budget I am working on for my own funeral. My desire to be cremated has more to do with economic considerations: I can’t afford to be buried. It costs upwards of $18000 at the very least and that too with the wife buried above me in the same plot in due course of time after I pop it. Being buried in too separate plots is inordinately costly.

So if it were to be burial it would have to be one plot. That is a disconcerting thought! And frankly speaking quite stuffy too!

I want to plan for my own burial and so I decided to call on a Funeral Parlor here in Surrey. While I waited for a Funeral Director to join me with an estimate of expenses, I could feel the celestial ambience. There was instrumental Chinese music to soothe my nerves, and just as well for in a short while I was startled with what it would cost me to have a bottom of the line funeral in Surrey.

The Funeral Director told me the various options: A mere very basic ashes to ashes cremation in a cardboard box which may have been recycled is like $1300 or thereabouts.  I wonder what Elenaor Rigby would have thought of that. On the face of it the figure seems plausible considering the Funeral parlor people are tied up with a U.S. syndicate that virtually has you indebted in death.

Now I am not a fussy sort of guy so I opted out of embalming. After all, the climate in Surrey is quite balmy if not cold. That way, I save $450. And I don’t need a “ viewing” the night before. That way I save another $400. Whosoever wishes to look at my ashen face can do so before the church service.

Ah, ah, not so fast… there is the catch: If the priest says “ No” to the viewing it could mean my near and dear ones do not get to see me for one last time.

I thought about that. If I cash in my chips in the next couple of years while the current Pastor of the church I frequent is still in charge it is very unlikely he is not going to authorize a viewing.

For that matter, he himself might want to say “ Ciao Alan!” He is a good friend of mine.

But seriously, something ought to be done to make sure people are not fried after someone passes on. It is irrationally costly to get a very basic funeral service in Canada.

After a church service and the hearse and very basic stuff I was presented with an estimate of $4350 plus tax.

That includes the cost of a rented or brand new coffin-a very basic one. So why does a rented one cost just as much as a new one?

 Don’t ask me. I just listen.

But if I kick the bucket before July1, I will giggle as the electric crematorium gives me a preview of the fires of Hell for that would mean I beat the HST!

My favorite spot to collect Air Miles is the nation-wide store that advertises it with flourish. My target is to collect at least 50 Air Miles each week and thereby log up 2500 to 2800 Air Miles in a calendar year. My wife’s people live in Austin, Texas and all I need is 2800 Air Miles for the two of us to make the trip in the low season. Taxes and other incidentals payable for the tickets are a mere $280 for two tickets. Considering that return ticket to Austin costs anywhere between $550 and $650, the net saving in a trip for the two of us is therefore $900 to $1000. For me, that is a decent saving. 

One might argue that you have to spend money to earn Air Miles.

But of course, you have to! The idea is to spend as little as possible and get the maximum number of reward Air Miles. My formula is simple. I usually try to find a deal whereby I spend around $10 or maximum $12 and get 50 Air Miles worth $15. As a result it would appear that my purchases are virtually for free if one is to consider that each Air Mile is worth 30 cents.

You need to have a keen eye: Let us say there is a “ Coke event.”   Buy any six items and you get 50 Air Miles. You might choose 3 bottles of Coke or Crush orange that costs $5 or 3 bottles of “Powerade” for $4. For $9 you get 50 Air Miles worth $15.

Now let us say one goes shopping merely for that sort of deal once every week for a year. There itself you have collected 2400 Air Miles. Total estimated expenditure: $420. You do the Math; besides, the purchases are virtually for free if you don’t mind the calories.  Better still, you might buy the sports drink instead and that is even cheaper: buy 6 for $8 only and get 50 Reward Air Miles!

But that deal is short lived and next week there is a chocolate flavored bran bar event. Buy five for $12.50 and get 50 Air Miles. For those not concerned about putting unwanted weight that might be a better proposition. Sometimes, though rarely, one comes across “too good to be true” Air Miles deals- like: “ Buy five loaves of bread” costing $7.50 (that were surprisingly fresh) and get 50 Reward Miles. 

You can earn reward Air Miles on prescription drugs too. At some stores they entice you to patronize them by offering anywhere from seven to ten times the Air Miles earned on purchases of prescription drugs. Let us say you have a prescription for the purchase of strips to record your diabetes. The costly looking instrument is free though the strips cost a mere $14.95 if your insurance kicks in. The bill is actually for $129 but you pay a small fraction because of your insurance cover. Now in this case, the Air Miles are calculated on the higher amount of $129 and not on $14.95. On this purchase at the rate of 1 reward Air Mile for every $20 spent you have earned 6 Air Miles. Further you get 7 times the 6 Air Miles because of a current promotion. You spent $14.95 and have earned 42 Air Miles. Since each Air Mile is worth 30 cents you have now earned $12.60 worth of Air Miles there itself.

If you want to chalk up even more Air Miles I suggest you call or email Air Miles requesting for duplicate cards with your Air Miles Number. You are entitled to three such cards. Then palm them off to friends who claim they are not affected with the recession and who shop at Air Miles stores. Get them to swipe your Air Miles card with every purchase they make at stores that award Air Miles. 

Then sit back and make modest plans for your next, near complimentary air travel, Courtesy: Air Miles and a new way to chalk them up.

We in Canada are fortunate to live in a relatively less prejudiced society.

There is less prejudice directed towards visible minorities in Canada than that which manifests itself in the treatment of lower castes in India.

Nevertheless, when there is a case of overt prejudice that shows up in Canada people react to it with shock and awe. They can’t believe what they have borne witness to. It is almost as if prejudice is alien to this society.

What is so shocking about prejudice in Canada? We remind ourselves that “the lower than humankind’ treatment meted out to Chinese immigrants who came to build the railroad in the later part of the nineteenth century and for the next four decades is still a lasting tattoo- like blemish in the history of Canada.

The other day you tube shocked us with an unbelievable display of cowardice in prejudice: three white teenagers attacking a colored youth in Courtney, British Columbia that was caught graphically on amateur video. It came to us as a shock. But to my fourth generation Japanese-Canadian friend it came as no surprise.

“ There are a lot of red necks up there on the Island!” he noted.

And so what if there is some prejudice in isolated cases. What is it we minorities expect? Do we expect some utopian world where black, white, yellow and pink all hold hands and stick daffodils in the guns of armored tanks? That can happen like it once did on the wide screen, but why go through all the bother when it possibly never will in our lifetimes.

Just as well- Canada is referred to as a multi-cultural society.  If on the other hand it were touted as a “melting pot” some of us minorities might have quipped sardonically: “ Get real!”

Prejudice is a tragedy for human kind, but then, time will surely be the healer.  With the passing of generations this carcinogen will become antiquated, it will vanish. Prejudice is a luxury- as was the war in Iraq. The world paid the price indirectly for an offshoot of prejudice and ultimately we now inhabit a planet with many more hungry people than before.

Maybe we ought to stop worrying about others and just do our bit to bring prejudice to an abrupt end. I think we can do this  by looking inward. 

At sometime in our lifetimes most of us have been perpetrators of prejudice in some form or the other. If we realize that aspect of our hypocritical selves, we might come nearer to living in harmony.

Like most others who now tend to glorify Michael Jackson in death, my regard for Michael shot upwards after his heart called it a day. Thinking about all this in hindsight, I should have not been carried away with all the bad publicity he received when he was alive. And what a dramatic turnaround matters have taken after his death!

In a sense, he was vindicated. Michael Jackson may not been half as bad as they made him out to be. It was his immense wealth and naïve disposition that made him a soft target for bounty hunters.

In the end, he left behind an empire that is now getting ready to strike back. Michael Jackson’s next of kin are sitting on an even bigger goldmine now that he is no more.

But there is a facet of Michael Jackson that even the visible minorities like us can be thankful for.  He broke down a significant number of racial barriers by making music colorless. It can questionably be argued that his music brought white and black closer than any other single thing in the 20th century.

Most people living in South Asia do not understand what first world discrimination and prejudice is all about. And even if they do, they prefer not to liken it to the treatment meted out to lower castes in Indian society. We South Asians have collective double standards. But the Western brand of prejudice is like a baby bee inside your car when you are driving; sometimes it perches innocuously on the dashboard and at other times it is noticeable by the constant low- key buzz. Then at some point on a long journey you simply live with it. You know you can’t beat it in this lifetime anyway.

But our children in North America appear to be taking a milder view of it. They seem to have merged into society seemingly well. They do not live their life with the slight apprehension that bothered some of  us like the teeny-weenie bee buzzing in the back of our minds.

That little bee has become visibly smaller and subdued of late. No longer can its head pop out with temerity. But once in a while it hangs out like a tape worm that struggles to assert its presence.

Hopefully, we should see the end of prejudice in our lifetimes. Just as well,for that would enable us to concentrate on more compelling issues.

Like feeding the world’s hungry people, for instance.

 When I first arrived in Canada I could not help comparing my situation to someone of my own ethnic or socio-cultural background who was better off than I was. It was a queasy feeling, and as much as I tried to go above it, I found it difficult to shoo away. Only now do I realize it was but natural.

Ask any ethnic Punjabi about it. Though he might not speak much English, chances are he knows the meaning of the word ” jealous.”  He will tell you that his people “ Bahut ‘Gelsy’ (jealousy) karate hain!”

There could be valid reasons for his dubious claim, but chances are, he has blown it out of proportion.

Let us consider the following scenario: ‘Gordy’ Brar has purchased a new “Hybrid” Honda Civic and he decides to park it in the driveway although his two older cars are housed in the garage.  His neighbor, Amrik Singh Sanghera wakes up one morning to peep out of the bedroom window and is greeted by the sight of a new silver gray Honda Civic “Hybrid.” Instead of appreciating his neighbors concern for the environment he calls out to his wife and both view it caustically while standing on a hotplate. The net result is that his neighbor’s good fortune has now prompted Amrik Sanghera to work another weekend job and his wife to work in a more upscale greenhouse.

Then one day, out of sheer revenge and an excess of savings in their checking account they buy a ‘Hummer’ and make Gordy Brar feel foolish for having fallen prey as a sucker to all that Salesman talk about how a “hybrid” help keep the environment green. He vows that the next time he has the hard cash he will be buy a vehicle as big as a Punjab State Transport Corporation bus and silence his ‘arrogant’ neighbor once and for all.

That is quite likely to happen. The circle of “Gelsy” goes on an on and before you know it, ethnic Indians are a very powerful socio-economic group and a political force to reckon with in places like Brampton, Ontario and Surrey in British Columbia.

I am not saying “ Gelsy” is a good emotion. All I am saying is that if you feel that way during your first few years in Canada, consider it natural. You are ten thousand miles from home and always hankering for material security.

Indians take cricket intravenously and then use the same needle over and over again.

If you were one of the many geeks hooked on cricket in India, there are now cable networks in Canada who might entice you with “ Pssst, pssst…want a quick fix of the final game in the IPL? That will be sixty nine dollars and ninety nine cents for the final!”

And only then will the otherwise frugal South Asian cave in. This is the same man or woman who will buy greens from ‘Fruticana’ in Surrey to save on vegetables. But for cricket he opens up like a man with a stuffed wallet and no self-control.

My family has a $15.50 cent monthly rental of “the paid cricket channel” on cable. We are in the middle of the IPL series being played in South Africa in April-May 2009 and we did not opt for “ live coverage” because we felt the rate of $99 was steep. But let us say, we decide to watch just the final. It would then cost a whopping $69.99. For that kind of money, the entire society of eighty cottages of our first house in Memnagar, Ahmedabad could watch cable for a month. And that cable service would cover the IPL for peanuts.

So what is the solution? Do we cave in to our addiction? Or do we engender new games like baseball and ice hockey?

Fat chance!

Baseball looks a bit like cricket, but is a shade incomprehensible. And ice hockey looks like a game for “goondas” armed with rough arm tactics and “lathis” - who sporadically slip on banana peels.

But the next generation of immigrants will espouse baseball and cricket with zest. They will wave you down and hold placards prompting you to honk for their favorite ice hockey teams. They will look at a game of cricket and wonder what all the calculated boredom is about.

And finally the will pronounce their forefathers as “ jerks” who had nothing better to do than to count from one to four and straight to six for five drab days in a row. Little might they know that this legacy from the British was the basis for a style of life and an all-absorbing obsession in a distant world.

Insurance is a must if you are planning to take a mortgage loan for your dream house. In any case Insurance is mandatory, or else the financial institution providing the mortgage won’t process the loan. But down the line the temptation to do away with fire, flood and earthquake coverage is compelling, in which case there are some points to bear in mind.

Houses in North America are made of wood and light up like a “phujari” at Diwali in the event of an accidental fire. My family knows what is like to have a fire in the house. The fire started in the kitchen while I was checking out a camping stove and next thing I knew was I was holding on to a disposable cylinder that was throwing noisy flames. Fortunately, nobody got hurt and we managed to put it out before the fire engines arrived. The damage took four months to fix and my family was housed in a hotel for that period. We only had to pay forty percent of our food bills but the thought of eating food for four months in a restaurant is only slightly better than what the food must be in Arthur Road jail in central Mumbai. The insurance company settled the bills, but we were only too happy to get back home after four long months. The insurance company had spent $99,000 and gave us back a brand new looking kitchen and a re-painted house. It was a good thing we had fire coverage.

Floods like the recent Red River flooding along the path of the river Manitoba and thence to the United States occur once in a while but the Pacific sea coast of North America is fraught with insecurity with the underlying ‘San Andreas Fault.’  If ever there is an earthquake of magnitude 9 on the Richter scale it won’t be any big surprise.

The question is “ Why take a risk?” That becomes even more relevant when we take selective risks. Let us say, John insures for fire and flood but decides to save $200 per year by not taking earthquake insurance.  His thinking is: “ It hasn’t happened in the last fifty years and it probably won’t happen now. Do you want to be like John? That is up to you to decide.

But if the earthquake does take place and your house is entirely or even partly wrecked, get ready to borrow anywhere up to two hundred thousand dollars to fix your house. Even if there is a structural crack in the plumbing lines it can cost a packet. Earthquake coverage usually comes with a deductible of five to ten percent. But even that is worth it considering how much you can avoid paying to get your house fixed.

There is only one note of caution: Don’t go in for an insurance policy mainly because it is linked to the financial institution providing the mortgage.  Instead, shop around and you might get insurance coverage for ten to twenty percent cheaper. This is not like in India where insurance is nationalized and there are just four major insurance companies providing coverage for general insurance. 

Like a shaky hand trying to thread the eye of a needle, the new immigrant to Canada often goes through a rough ride on a giant wheel in search of a job. Even afterwards, every now and then the down-ride creates butterflies in the stomach. Such is the insecurity of the job related market in Canada.

For most immigrants,  it takes a while to secure employment. But patience is the key. Then, at last, ones Resume manages to attract attention and the phone rings. This is just stage one of the bumpy  journey that will thereafter be replayed periodically for most immigrants.

However, with the first pay cheque, things change vastly. You can head for the Superstore with a newly found confidence and slowly one stops counting pennies. Suddenly you don’t feel looney but the dollar does. And it will help you buy things that you once thought were out of your reach.

But things are even better if you work for a good employer.

To the extent possible, try seeking employment in commercial establishments owned and run by third to fifth generation Canadians and please don’t be naïve enough to enquire whether they fit the bill. If you have an option, do seek employment in a Canadian company. Chances are, you will not regret it.

Avoid working for people of your own ethnic background. They tend to carry forward the same employer-employee attitude that is reminiscent of the old world “master-slave syndrome.” Work for them, and you will wonder why you came to Canada. I offer this advise based on my observation and the experiences of people who I know.

A Canadian sizes up a prospective immigrant based on his or her references. Work hard and well, such that when you leave you have a good reference to present to your new employers. Nothing goes unnoticed in Canada-especially good work. In India, good work does not necessarily improve your position in the company because of the in-built neoptism.

Try to refrain from expressing how much you miss the old world till you have made your third visit to the old country within one decade of coming to Canada. By that time you would have adopted new ways that might preclude living in conditions that are symbolic of dirt, noise, sweat, grime and corruption of the old world.

Keep your voice low, even when talking to people of your own ethnic background. It is a habit that will come of good stead when speaking in public. The two words you don’t want to be described as-“rude” or “gross.”

If you choose to Anglicize your name avoid pet names like “ Dick”- even if your name is Dixit or Hardik. You can instead change it to “Bala” to rhyme with “ballerina” or “Dave”that fits like an acronym for Davinder.

Don’t offer Indian sweets like kaju barfi or mysore paak to Caucasian people lest you want them to dread your company since those delicacies are far too sweet for Western taste buds. Instead offer them “samosas” or invite them over for butter chicken and pulao. That ought to add a new chapter in the book “How to win friends and influence people.”

Grow vegetables in your backyard garden in summer and be kind to the environment. And while on the subject of the environment, do remember that burping too results in polluting the environment since it is the release of methane gas.

It would be a good idea to get rid of the old incandescent bulbs at home, and replace them with contemporary “ power efficient” lighting. And do buy a hybrid car if you can afford it, at least fill gas in your car with an ethanol mix to help sustain a greener environment.

Always be quick to say “ Thank you” or “Sorry” depending on which is appropriate. In due course of time you will graduate to expressions like “ I really appreciate that.”  In case you accidentally bump into somebody in the Asian Aisle in Superstore just say “ Sorry about that” and don’t say “ Heartfelt apologies.”

Don’t bother about the burlesque characters portrayed by Russell Peters and Sugar Sammy even though some of it is true and most of it is exaggerated. Let us face it squarely: The Indian accent is funny and it is time we finally laughed at ourselves. Remember, that the flip side is that we are world leaders in information technology and bleeding the West with getting work “outsourced.”

And lastly, this may sound prophetic but the most likely people to help you in your initial stay in Canada are ethnic Punjabis, Anglo-Indians and Caucasian people though the latter tend to be a bit formal when they help out.